Tuesday, July 25, 2023

Permission To Die


This is a bittersweet post about losing my very good friend, Mona. I was not expecting to lose her so soon.  I thought we will have more time to enjoy our lives together.  She and I planned on growing old together. We would live right next to each other.  I was imagining that when we get older, Mona would take care of me but God had other plans.

In all the years that I have been blogging, I never wrote a post in honor of her.  I do not even remember when we started to become friends, maybe in the early 2000s? I really cannot recall anymore. It is not the number of years that matter but the quality of friendship that we had.

We were totally opposites.  Mona’s language of love was service while mine is food. I already told everybody that the only way I show love is through food.  If I cook your favourite food, it means I love you. I have never been vocal about love nor demonstrative.  I’m not the touchy feely kind of person.

Unlike Mona, she showed you and told you that she loved you.  When friends came over to my house and I was still sleeping, Mona would ask them if they wanted coffee or if they wanted to eat something.   

When her nieces came to her house, she made sure that there was hot food, preferably their favourite!  It did not stop at cooking the food.  She would even prepare coloring books, card or board games.  Still, it did not stop there.  She would play with them and keep them entertained.

She would always offer assistance to our senior friends.  When we have a community activity, she would get food for the seniors and ask them if they needed anything else.

When she passed on, everybody only had kind words to say. “Mona was really so nice!” She was a friendly person, she would greet friends and acquaintances with a huge smile. Even people she just met once, she would greet them as though they have known each other for a long time.

Selfless... Even if she wanted something for herself, then she finds out that you like it, she would give it to you.

I guess that was why we complemented each other. But I have never abused the friendship that we had.  I knew my limits and told her that if I ever do or say something that she did not like, I told her to tell me.  She did not have to be afraid of calling me out.  Of course, the naughty things I did to her were not counted.  I loved the fact that she indulged my craziness.

She was a part of several group of friends, the Batgirls, Baliws and Junkies!

When Mona got sick, we all rallied behind her.  We would take turns visiting her then eventually, we would take turns taking care of her. I felt so giddy and excited that I was the one serving Mona for a change! I even told Cat that I was so happy after she and I came from the pantry to heat Mona’s food. For the first time in my life, Mona and I were speaking the same language of love which was service!

In the first few weeks of Mona’s confinement, it was like a “picnic” all the time.  We would bring food and eat in her room.  It made her really happy to see us eating and having a great time.  She would also eat but then I realized later on that it was just a piece or two of potato chips. She really was not eating that much anymore.

Then, as the days gone by, we started to notice the decline.  We even wondered why is it that every time we go to the hospital, instead of getting better, her condition was deteriorating.  We did not know why. My friends started praying for her.  We asked our friends to pray for Mona.  I even prayed when I did not believe in praying for the sick.  I know that even if you pray day and night, even if you pray while walking on your knees in Baclaran Church and even if you bargain with God, if His will is done then there is nothing you can do.

This past week was an emotional rollercoaster for me and for my friends.  The Sunday before she passed on, the Baliws, Batgirls and Junkies were in the hospital to give our full support and love to Mona.  It was a crying fest.  I was the crying police.  I would pull out anybody from the room who was about to cry. I did not want Mona to see us in tears.  I know her well, if she sees us breaking down in front of her, then she will start to despair, weaken and give up.  I did not want her to lose hope.  I did not want to lose hope. I still wanted her to fight the battle against cancer.

Mona asked me once a long time ago if she dies, would I cry for her? “Of course, not!” I replied, “I only cry for dogs!”

In her last remaining days, she would hold our hands.  Whoever was with her in the room (as long as she liked the person), she would hold the hand on her left and on her right.  She felt comforted by it. 

Remember, I’m not the touchy feely person.  I do not like holding hands.  Everybody knows that, I even told the nurse that I do not do “holding hands” but when the nurse entered the room again, she said, I thought you don’t do holding hands???  What can I do??? Mona needed to hold my hand. And I needed that connection, as well.

Remember, I said I only cry for dogs and that I did not want to cry in front of Mona? While we were holding hands, she had tears in her eyes while looking at me.  Even the strongest person would break down.  While still holding her hand, I laid my head on the bed and cried my heart out. Then I knew at that point that I was going to lose my friend and she knew that her time was almost up.  She asked for a pen and a piece of paper.  She wrote down that she was tired already .  Died.  She wrote it down and I asked, Who died??? She wrote it again, Died. Mayette told her that it was not her decision to make but God’s.

Remember, I said I was not very vocal about love? On that same night, as I was about to leave the room, I said to her, “ I love you Mona!” (in my usual cheerful singsong voice).  I was so surprised when she replied, “I love you Madam!” She said it so clearly! She could barely talk and breathe but it was crystal clear.  That night, I was so happy!!! I did not cry at all when I went to bed.

The last time I saw her was Tuesday.  I thought she was a bit better. She was able to talk in short burst. Jing said for me to eat first while she was holding Mona’s hands.  I was just in the corner eating siopao, I had to eat because if not, my sugar will drop and I will get dizzy. I only had 3 bites. I could not eat.  Mona said, “Pag Ok na si Madam...” I told her I did not leave, that I was just eating in the corner of the room, away from her.

A doctor entered the room and asked her if she was in pain.  She said, yes. 1 out of 10 was the question of the doctor, she answered 9. I just realized she was on Morphine drip and yet the pain level was 9!  When I got home until I went to sleep, I could not stop crying.  The moment I woke up the next day, I started crying again . I figured, I have to cry it all out because it was KST day.  Someone might ask me how Mona was doing and I was sure I was going to break down.

I started messaging my friends that I suddenly do not know how to pray anymore.  “How do I pray?” “What should I ask for?” I know what I wanted to pray for but I dare not ask God what I really wanted.  My friend was in pain, there was no more hope.  I really wanted God to take my friend already but instead, my friends said to pray for God’s mercy, to relieve her of all the pain and to give strength to her family and friends to let her go.

Then, a little past midnight, the Lord has heard our prayers. My friends and I rushed to Makati Med.  When we got there, Mona’s body was still in the room.  I went to her and spoke softly near her ear, “Mona, you will always be with us. You will never be left behind.”

And from that moment on, it was as though, all the pain and sadness were lifted from my heart.

Almost everybody in the wake asked how I was holding up. I told them I feel so light hearted and happy. Some said, I was in denial but that is not true.

We fought a hard battle behind Mona. She was in the forefront.  Her passing was not a loss but a victory. 


She is now in Our Father’s mansion without pain and suffering.  In the end, she got what she wanted.

John 14: 2

“My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Winter in Hokkaido : An Experience Too Beautiful to Forget

                         

As we are getting older, there are just some things that we would like to remember but probably due to a lot of stuff going on in our minds, we tend to forget.

I recently spent a winter holiday in Hokkaido with my sister and her family.  I would like to remember it forever. My experience was too beautiful to forget.

                     

Living in a tropical country, you just see snow in movies, tv shows or in post cards.  I've been to a couple of ski resorts, one in Japan and one in South Korea but nothing compares to what I have seen in Hokkaido.

When I was on the train on our way to Otaru, I saw "real" icicles hanging from eaves of the roof of the houses! 

I also saw the ocean merging with the snow.

                   

I once painted a Christmas scene, the snow was on the roof which looked like melted ice cream. I saw it with my own eyes! It really looked like the painting I did several decades ago.

                  

Snow to some people may be an ordinary and everyday occurance but it was really special for me.  I was in awe! So happy! It was a "dream come true" moment.

It would be nice to go back for a vacation but I would not want to live in a place where I have to experience it day in and day out.  Just like the beach.  I love the beach but I just want to visit occassionally.

               One time, it was raining snow!

People might take snow for granted but for me, it was really such a treat. I would like to share some pictures and videos to show you how ecstatic I was while I was on my winter holiday.

                   

I enjoyed the cold weather.  We were walking around at -3 C (feels like -12 C). There were times I had to cover my ears with my hands because I did not have an ear muffs.

                     

                White Illumination at Odori Park





                

                Sapporo TV Tower at Odori Park


German Christmas Market at Odori Park


             We celebrated Ate's birthday in Sapporo.

                       

                    With my niece and nephew

 

Ate and her family - G Family


In Otaru


I experienced my first snowstorm in Otaru.


        Sakaimachi Street, a dining street in Otaru.


My favorite Family Mart was just across the hotel. Every morning, after breakfast, I would buy my snacks for the day and at night, after dinner, we would buy our midnight snacks and desserts.

                 

JR Sapporo train station with lots of restaurants, stores and supermarkets, including Daimaru, Sapporo ESTA, Stellar, Tokyu and underground shopping mall was just 200 meters away from the hotel.  

                      

I was a very happy camper.  I feel so blessed that I was able to scratch it off from my bucket list, to experience snow in Sapporo.


Thank you G Family for letting me tag along! Until the next time! Hopefully, soon!!!

















 

Tuesday, May 3, 2022

Boracay! We're back!

This is my 27th visit to Boracay.

I was with my friends.  

We call ourselves Baliws!

Why? Because we are funny and crazy.

We are a bunch of happy people. 

We feed on each other's positive vibes.

Always a feel good moment when you are with the Baliws.

We actually crave each others company.

After 2 years, we are finally back! 

Our Happy Place.

But I think it is everybody's "happy place".  I have some friends who just got home from the island and told me they want to go back again.

I wonder what makes people want to go back again and again?

We stayed at Fat Jimmy's Resort this time. 

It is a small hotel but the staff is so good and nice. Especially, Arlene.

We booked this hotel in 2019 for our 2020 trip but the pandemic happened.  They allowed us to rebook it again until we were ready.

They even decorated the room because Cristina asked them to prepare it for Pinky.

Pinky celebrated her (post) birthday with us in Aquafresh (036)2881048, 

our favorite seafood paluto restaurant. 

Halaan Soup

Butter Garlic Shrimps

Grilled Pusit

Calamares

Stir-fried Kangkong

Thank you, Pinky!

Then, in the evening, we had dinner at Ole!

HIHIHI a Mexican restaurant but we ordered Filipino food!

Crispy Pata

Pancit Guisado

Sisig

When we got back to the hotel, we surprised Pinky with a birthday cake!


Sophie wanted to come with us but I told her we only eat and swim. The next day, true enough, as soon as we woke up, we went swimming already.


Lunch was at Congas, Thai restaurant on Bulabog Road A. 

 They specialize in red curry.

Massaman Beef Curry

Red Chicken Curry

Pad Thai - 2 kinds, shrimp and chicken


Lemongrass Chicken

Pork with Basil


Mia, my friend and neighbor, who is also in Boracay even joined us for lunch!
She told us to visit Bulabog Beach because the roads are fixed already and they even have a boardwalk.

This tree is famous for photo ops.


Swimming at Station 1 was the next activity. It was time for sunset merienda of chori burger and hotdog near the Grotto. 


We met up with Kuya Nap and Ate Ime, the relatives of Doc Bernie.

Dinner at Aquafresh again. 

It was Doc Bernie's birthday celebration with his family. Older sister Ate Ime, her husband Kuya Nap, Hannah- daughter and Nicole, friend of Hannah.

Doc ordered steamed crabs.

Halaan soup again because it was really good.

Butter Garlic Shrimps because it's everybody's favorite.

Grilled Liempo

My ultimate favorite, Steamed Lapu Lapu.


Thank you, Doc Bernie!

The next day we woke up early so we could go to Puka Beach!

So beautiful!

And the best thing about it? There was a manong who took our pictures! OMG! What a great photographer! He made me look so tall and slim! 

No filter, just his amazing skills plus Cristina's Iphone 12 something something. Hahaha I can't remember the complete name of the phone's model.

After the photo ops and swimming at Puka Beach,

we headed to Angol Point to eat at my favorite Japanese restaurant called Nagisa.

I ordered mix tempura and so did Cristina.

The rest had ...

Gyudon

Gyoza

Tonkatsu Curry

Other Asian food...

Kimchi Rice with Fried Chicken


Calamares and Camaron Rebosado

More swimming then we headed back to the hotel to get ready for our sunset merienda.

One of the best places to wait for the sunset is at the rooftop of The District Hotel.


We had Pizza...

Sausage and Mushroom

Hawaiian Pizza

We also tried their Kalamansi Muffin.

I think it tastes better than the more famous one which tastes like "kababayan". But other people like it. I guess, to each his own.

Chori burger, bbq, isaw and hotdog!

Before the evening ended, we all went to my most favorite place in Boracay....

Ice Flakes!



Jodie treated me! Thank you! I had the Coconut Shaved Ice.

They ordered Halo Halo.

I ate shaved ice everyday. Mango Shaved ice on my first day and last day.


Watermelon Shaved ice on my 2nd day.
I also tried Coco Mama coconut ice cream.
It is also famous, quite Instagramable, but it is not my favorite.

And the next day, we headed back home.

I wish we could have another trip to Boracay with my Baliw friends.

I am glad that we are always making memories.

Thank you Pinky, Mona, Jodie, Eric, Cristina and Bernie!

I always enjoy traveling with them.They are the best Baliws ever!